I'm going to stop posting on this blog.
(I'll give you a moment to regain your breath. I hope you were sitting down when you read that!)
I took up residence here when I needed an outlet to talk about our struggles with secondary infertility. During the active stages of TTC, there's a lot to discuss. The daily mechanics of the treatments and the rollercoaster of emotions that accompanies them.
And at least for me, being pregnant and parenting after infertility does not completely silence the aches and pains of what we went through. Is life easier? Yes. Do I think about infertility every day? Hell yes.
Because I wouldn't be pregnant with twins right now if I didn't have trouble conceiving.
And I think about that. Constantly. Among the other ways I have been changed (for better and for worse) by my IF experience.
In my first post, I talk about how this blog is a way to compartmentalize my infertility. Instead of allowing it to seep into every relationship, every thought, and every thing like I did the first time around -- I wanted to get it all out here and leave the joyful areas of my life alone. And I was able to do that with a fair amount of success, which was in no small part thanks to the fact that our journey to #2 and #3 has (so far) been incredibly less horrible than #1.
But I think it's time. For integration.
I will still be writing about parenting after infertility, because it is part of who I am just as much as my tendency to get bruises from bumping into furniture or my weakness for things that have glitter on them.
But I'm going to do it among other topics on my other blog, Sunny in Seattle.
I am probably jinxing myself in a huge cosmic way, not even being out of the first trimester yet. If (God forbid) something bad happens to this pregnancy, maybe I will revive this blog. But I'm doing my best to think positively, to focus on recovery instead of dwelling.
I hope you follow me to my other digs. But I understand if you don't, if that's not where you are right now. It feels rather counter-intuitive to close this blog, which gets more hits than my other one. However I can't manufacture more infertility posts than are truly in my heart, and although I still have much to express, it's not enough to support an entire blog at this point.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for praying, wishing, supporting. Whatever you are striving for in your own life right now, I hope you find your great reward.
And as my Dad would say, I'll see you on the flip side.
Fraternal Experiences and Other Words on Loss
9 hours ago