When we were TTC the first time, I had a couple of false starts in the blogosphere. I would post and delete... post and delete. I just couldn't find my voice, and in the end I walked through IF quietly with DH and a very small group friends, mostly online. And then, miraculously, we got pregnant. When we were (relatively) safe in the second trimester, I started my first blog to keep in touch with friends and family as we moved across the country with our baking Bean.
However, even as I enjoy every blessed day with my one-year-old son, infertility still colors who I am and casts doubt on the future size of my family. I struggled with whether or not to write about IF, and if so, where to do it. It doesn't seem to have a place on my other blog -- one where I focus on the joys and challenges of motherhood. My friends and family want to see pictures of my darling boy, not hear about how pissed I am that I haven't ovulated yet.
I finally decided to take the leap and start a new blog, the birth of Secrets of an Infertile Mom. This one will be an aside to Sunny in Seattle, a place where I can bitch about the IF curse and post updates on the status of Infertility, Part Deux. Unlike the first time, I now have the comfort and distraction of the sweetest little munchkin, who makes me grateful for each day we have together. It is important to me that my IF does not affect my ability to parent him... well, as much as possible.
So just as I endeavor to compartmentalize my IF fear and disappointment in my daily life, allowing myself to feel without losing myself completely, I plan to dump into this blog and leave it here. I hope it's cleansing for me. And for my IRL friends who didn't know about my struggle the first time, it's a window into that secret part of my life. Several of you expressed regret that I didn't open up so you could have the opportunity to support me, and that means more to me than I can say. I have no expectations, but if you want to join me, I'd love to have you.
Thanks for reading.
10 hours ago