The best news is that I haven't been spotting in at least a week now. Yippee! Of course there's still a drumroll in my head that accompanies every trip to the bathroom, which I'm guessing will continue throughout the duration of the pregnancy. But it adds that air of drama and anticipation to my day, so it's all good.
Despite the lack of spotting and the increased desire to hurl at every second, I am very nervous about my ultrasound later this week (which has been moved from Thursday to Friday, because again, needing drama and anticipation). I am mostly worried about Vanishing Twin Syndrome, which is when one of the twins... well, vanishes. Except it lacks the X-Files appeal that it may suggest. I am still freaking out about the prospect of double the newborn action, but I'm already attached to these two little blobs, and to only see one heartbeat on Friday -- let's just not talk about it.
I am slowly doing better as I process the likelihood that we will be a family of five in April. I no longer lay awake at night worrying, I manage to contain all of that to my waking hours. I am basically rewriting the future I see for our family. Because that's what we do all throughout infertility, right? Revising that timeline we so carefully crafted for our lives. First it starts on a small scale (from "I'll be pregnant by Christmas with the first of our eight kids" to "Well, maybe the first one by next Christmas") and then it gets bigger (to "I'll have two kids by 40, right?" then "FINE! ONE BY MENOPAUSE!"). In my case, of course, I am lucky to go in the opposite direction. Nevertheless, even though this is a huge blessing, I'm erasing and replacing how I pictured next year. And the year after, and the year after, and all the years until I have three adult children and I finally turn to DH and say, "Well, that wasn't so hard after all!" (Because I have a bad memory by then, of course.)
On the bright side, all of this worrying and processing has kept me from being bitter about the fact that I will never know what it's like to conceive a child without instructions to "don't forget to pay your outstanding balance on the way out." Or the fact that infertility has taken yet another thing from me -- the ability to grow my family one child at a time.
HOORAY FOR NOT BEING BITTER!
(Even if it's temporary)
And now for a question that has been weighing on my mind. Although I have no history of low progesterone, my doctor has me on these