When AF shows her face, it's disappointing. But there is a part of me that breathes a sigh of relief.
One more month to enjoy Bean's babyhood without focusing on a second child.
One more month of our nursing relationship.
One more month of feeling physically good to hold Bean and play with him.
One more month that DH and I outnumber our offspring.
One more month filled with the hope of a pregnancy one day in the future (as in: it's not all over yet, this isn't the last time, God willing).
It was a big transition when Bean was born -- it almost felt like he was an intruder, interrupting the well-oiled machine that was me, DH, and pooch. But now we are doing so well. We have a happy rhythm. We are three first borns (and, well, whatever the pooch is). Would another person fit in? As an eldest child, would I be able to understand the mystery that are youngest children?
I know these are common fears of second time mothers. And I'm sure as Bean gets older and we still don't have a bun in the oven, this will change. But for now...
... it's actually okay.
10 hours ago