Monday, April 20, 2009


When AF shows her face, it's disappointing. But there is a part of me that breathes a sigh of relief.

One more month to enjoy Bean's babyhood without focusing on a second child.

One more month of our nursing relationship.

One more month of feeling physically good to hold Bean and play with him.

One more month that DH and I outnumber our offspring.

One more month filled with the hope of a pregnancy one day in the future (as in: it's not all over yet, this isn't the last time, God willing).

It was a big transition when Bean was born -- it almost felt like he was an intruder, interrupting the well-oiled machine that was me, DH, and pooch. But now we are doing so well. We have a happy rhythm. We are three first borns (and, well, whatever the pooch is). Would another person fit in? As an eldest child, would I be able to understand the mystery that are youngest children?

I know these are common fears of second time mothers. And I'm sure as Bean gets older and we still don't have a bun in the oven, this will change. But for now...

... it's actually okay.


  1. I hear you. I want a 2nd quite strongly (certainly gets stronger as my little one gets bigger and bigger - almost 15 months now). But I worry about these things too - ending the BF, having to make space on my lap for two, and how to deal with a "youngest" (we're all eldest children too!). And how could I possibly love another child as much as I love her?! I know it's possible, but it just seems mind boggling at the moment.

  2. I absolutely love your header picture!

  3. Hmm. We're also three eldests. I hadn't thought of that.


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