Winning and losing

Let's start with the losing, shall we?

So it looks like our "Hail Mary" pass fell a little short. The clock has run out, no more downs, blow the whistle, game OVER. Thanks for playing, it was a team effort.

BFN.

Technically, the cycle isn't quite over yet... AF is due on Thursday, and hopefully that's when she'll come, so we don't have to redo our beautiful medication / IUI calendar. But although the axe hasn't fallen, the AF lumberjack has buttoned his red-and-gray flannel shirt, rolled up his sleeves, and he's sharpening the blade with my name on it.

(Apparently I could have also titled this post, "Convoluted Infertility Metaphors." AF lumberjack? Really?)

Bizarre imagery aside, indeed this cycle was not the miracle we've been hoping for. I'm surprised at how depressed it's made me... I didn't expect to get so emotionally invested in a last-ditch natural attempt. I guess because everything was lined up perfectly this month -- from ovulation to timing to progesterone. When it will stop surprising me that we can't pull this off on our own, I have no idea.

But with that being said, let's move on to the winning.

So waking up to the knowledge that I am not in the early stages of gestation obviously put me in a foul mood. (Aside: When first I typed that last sentenced, I accidentally wrote "fowl mood." Which I guess means I was craving chicken, and as anyone whose ever been with child knows, pregnancy hormones and chicken do NOT mix. Which is another obvious sign I am not knocked up.) With my grumpiness polluting the house, I think DH was only too happy to hop in the car and go to work this morning -- although he'd never say so, God bless him. So I did the only thing that a reasonable woman WOULD do in my situation.

I got on the computer, and I ordered some chocolate.

Not just any chocolate. I've been hearing the buzz around the IF blogosphere about Frank's Big Ones Bakery. It's a new shop on Etsy, recently opened by Kymberli's husband Frank. As soon as I read about them and saw pictures of their delicious goodness, I knew -- if AF cometh, so do those ginormous cookies. And alas, the wheels are in motion. The silver lining on my dark cloud.

Then I got a note from Martha at A Sense of Humor is Essential. Guess what, you will never believe this...

... I totally won her Pay it Forward Giveaway!

How's that for turning my mood around? So generous of Martha, I can't wait to get it in the mail. And making it all even sweeter, she is sending a special package to Michelle at TO BABY AND BEYOND, whom I nominated because I thought she could use an extra pick-me-up right now. How frickin' awesome is that?

FRICKIN' AWESOME.

But, the winning doesn't end there. This morning Bean and I had the pleasure of meeting Coffeegrl and her beautiful daughter for cupcakes and coffee. The only thing better than enjoying cupcakes and coffee is doing so with a bloggy buddy you are meeting in person for the first time! It is so neat to see the people behind the computer screen, it brings a whole new level to sharing their slice of life. Blogging rocks, people. But I don't have to tell you, of course.

And last but not least. I strapped Bean in the car seat to head home after our fun excursion, and I searched the backseat to find something to occupy him. I found an old CD flip-book thingy. I unzipped it so he could play with it... and what do I discover...

My Sarah Brightman Dive CD!!

I thought it was loooong gone, and I've been meaning to replace it from iTunes for ages. Saved myself $10! I listened to it as we drove, I still remember all the words. It totally reminds me of high school, and my friend Sarah. I think she first introduced me to Sarah Brightman, which could be why I have the association. Or because they both have the same first name. I'm not really sure.

So the lesson of today: You win some, and you lose some. But if there's chocolate involved, you're always a winner.